SACRED COW MENU & FIELD GUIDE

A Non-USDA Guide to Grilling the Models Humans Forgot Were Models

Part menu. Part instructional guide. Part epistemology field manual.

Welcome to Sacred Cow BBQ & Roadhouse, WTF University’s campus watering hole and suspiciously functional epistemology department.

Humans make models about everything.

Relationships. Spirituality. Success. Productivity. Psychology. Science. Culture. Identity. Ancient wisdom. Modern wisdom. Other humans. Themselves. Why Gerald keeps marking everything URGENT.

Some models are useful.

Some are outdated.

Some contain a damn good observation wrapped in a questionable explanation.

And some are Non-USDA Artisanal Bullshit™ that has been lovingly passed down for generations without anybody stopping to inspect the ingredients.

That’s what this field guide is for.

The Sacred Cow Menu & Field Guide gives you a practical—and profoundly unserious-looking—way to inspect the models shaping how you understand yourself, other humans, and the world around you.

Inside the Roadhouse, you’ll learn how to separate what was observed from what was assumed, distinguish signal from model from story from action, trace where a belief or explanation came from, examine possible mechanisms, preserve genuine uncertainty, and determine what—if anything—is still useful after the cow has been thoroughly grilled.

On the Menu

Meet the Roadhouse’s finest varieties of bullshit, including Artisanal Bullshit™, Heritage Bullshit™, Industrial Bullshit™, Evidence-Flavored Bullshit™, Algorithmically Enhanced Bullshit™, and the remarkably resilient Regenerative Bullshit™.

Then put your own cows through the smoker using practical field tools including the Sacred Cow Inspection, Reality Veto Test, Observed / Assumed / Inferred / Unknown Field Card, Signal ≠ Model ≠ Story ≠ Action Field Card, Build Your Own Bullshit Platter, Coupling Configuration Audit, Fuck-if-I-Know Zone, and Bo’s Bar Napkin Test.

You’ll also take brief detours through Modeling Mania, Nested Fucking Around, Folkemetry, relationships, spirituality, science, and model failure—because apparently humans have been extremely productive in the bullshit department.

The Point Is Not to Stop Believing Shit

The Roadhouse isn't here to replace your existing beliefs with our beliefs.

That would just be opening another fucking cow farm.

It's here to help you ask better questions:

• What actually happened?
  
• What am I adding to what happened?
  
• What model am I using?
  
• Where did that model come from?
  
• What would make me update it?
  
• What remains unknown?
  
• What do I actually need to decide?

Keep what survives inspection. Revise what doesn't. And when the evidence runs out, Fuck If I Know remains a perfectly respectable answer.

Your Purchase Includes

4 PDF editions of the complete field guide:

US Letter (8.5 × 11") — Print PDF + Fillable PDF
A4 — Print PDF + Fillable PDF

Print it. Fill it digitally. Use whichever paper standard your particular region of humanity decided was correct.

Same fucking cows. Different rectangles.

Personal Use

One purchase is licensed for one curious human.

Use it on your own devices. Print yourself a working copy. Spill barbecue sauce on it and print another one.

Please don't redistribute it, upload it publicly, email it to seventeen friends, put it on the company SharePoint, or establish an unauthorized WTFU satellite campus.

Gerald needs his own fucking copy.

Sacred Cow BBQ & Roadhouse

Come on in. We’re grilling culturally inherited bullshit.

Question everything. Especially the sauce. — Bo

Same Human. Different Cow.™ 🐄🔥