Department of Seasonal Human Behavior

EST. 336 AD

Cognosce Scriptum

"Know the Script."

For centuries, folkemetry has quietly documented one of humanity's most fascinating phenomena:

The remarkable tendency for otherwise rational adults to return home for the holidays and begin running software they didn't realize was still installed.

Our researchers study seasonal social scripts, family dynamics, inherited traditions, nervous system responses, and the curious behaviors that emerge whenever humans gather to celebrate.

Our findings suggest this is perfectly normal.

Somewhat. Mostly.

  • Our Mission

    To help people observe their patterns before becoming them.

    We believe curiosity is more useful than criticism, laughter is more effective than shame, and that every family is conducting an ongoing behavioral experiment whether they realize it or not.

  • Current Research

    • Seasonal Script Activation
    • Holiday Nervous System Dynamics
    • Family Role Recurrence
    • Tradition Preservation Systems
    • Intergenerational Behavioral Software
    • Pie Consumption Studies (ongoing)

  • Seasonal Publications

    Explore our growing collection of field guides, observation kits, annual reports, and behavioral tools designed to help you notice the wonderfully predictable ways humans celebrate, connect, overcommit, regress, recover, and repeat.

  • Become a Field Observer

    Every holiday gathering is an opportunity for research.

    Observe.

    Notice.

    Laugh.

    Repeat.

    Report WTFs to Atlas (Optional)

  • Seasonal Observation #336

    Humans rarely change as much as they think they do.

    Fortunately, they laugh more than they realize.

    This gives us hope.

Navigation